Finally Maybe

I weighed myself again this morning (I know, early. I really need to stop weighing myself throughout the week). I lost three pounds! I really hope it sticks this week. It would be really nice to see my weight drop again.

At least I'm not gaining!

Weigh in this morning. Lost nothing again. I was a little scared yesterday because I weighed myself and saw that I gained two pounds. Luckily, I lost the two today, leaving me at a total of zero pounds lost for the week. I've been maintaining this weight for three weeks now and it's getting kind of irritating. This isn't the weight I wanna maintain!!

200 pounds plus 2 to go

I weighed myself this morning (I know, I know - a day early) and I've gained two pounds this week! Ugh! I really can't take much more of this. Hopefully by tomorrow morning, it'll all be a figment of my imagination.

Perhaps too much coffee?

Bacon and eggs for dinner tonight! Yum!

My story

I'm going to be 29 in December of this year. I've lived my entire life being fat. This is the most depressing thing I have ever had to deal with. I've gone through so many diets, so many programs, so many let downs and still....I am sitting here at 359 lbs. About three and a half years ago, I finally found it within myself to lose weight. I had weighed 358 lbs and lost a total of 70. It felt great. For the first time in my life, I actually felt sexy. Like I was worth looking at. Yes, I was still at 280 lbs, but I was 70 lbs thinner and I had done it myself.

Meeting Chris was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He is my soul mate and I know we'll be together forever. However, after meeting him, I kind of let myself go. No matter how badly I wanted to lose weight and how many different things I tried, I ended up going in the complete opposite direction. Two years later, I was 90 pounds heavier. Just three weeks ago, I weighed a total of 370 lbs. Where the hell did that come from? Granted, I had A LOT of stress in my life. Dealing with the loss of a perfect job, Chris' bitch of an ex-wife, living with Chris' sister who hated my guts, working at another agency that couldn't come close to comparing with my previous, then becoming unemployed and not being able to find a job for months and months, - All of these things definitely contributed to my weight gain, I'm sure of it. But it doesn't make me feel any better. I am still responsible. I am the one who let it get out of hand. Now, I can't go to Funtown with Chris and the kids without wondering if I'll even fit on some of the rides. I can't go swimming with them without thinking that everyone is staring at me and how large my legs look in that bathing suit.

I'm so tired of living my life with such restriction. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin and I can't honestly tell you the last time I have. Maybe I haven't at all. Maybe it's the price I have to pay for not ever giving myself a chance to live freely. The only one who can change me is me, so why the hell haven't I been able to do that all these years? I feel as though I am stuck inside someone else's body. When I look in the mirror, I think, 'That isn't me. It isn't who I am inside.' But it's who I have had to be for the past 29 years. 29 years!

I really want to believe that this time is different. I want a new life. I want a new me. I am the one who controls my life and everything in it is perfect except me. I want to have a baby one day. But having a baby at 359 lbs? I don't think so. I want to marry Chris one day, but I don't want to look back at our wedding pictures and just see a big blob of fat in a big white dress. I want to finally live for something and be proud of myself.

I have tried Atkins numerous times. I was always impatient. I always gave up. I'm not going to this time. I can't.

I'm running out of time. I need to make it right.

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

I don't think I could ever get sick of bacon!

I hate cravings

Man I feel like pizza tonight. The good kind........

Nothing again

What the hell is up with this no weight loss crap? I've maintained my weight for the past three weeks and I'm not losing one pound. This is the beginning of the diet. Why am I not losing? I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am very discouraged. *sigh*

Are you sure I can have this?

I've been trying so many recipes from 'Linda's Low Carb Menus and Recipes' and I am loving everything I'm trying! It's hard to believe this stuff is allowed on induction. Just a few I absolutely love:

Broccoli quiche
We All Scream for Ice Cream
Cream Cheese Clouds
Jello Fluff
Amy's Skillet Pizza
Cheese Roll-ups

The link is http://www.genaw.com/lowcarb/recipes.html

I have yet to make the pancakes and mock french toast (which my mom says is excellent). So far I am loving this diet. Now if only the weight loss would pick up!

Never give up

So my weigh in is on Mondays, but I'm a very impatient girl. I weighed myself this morning and found that I haven't lost anything again this week. This is my third week of being on Atkins. The first week I rocked it! I lost 11 pounds. The second and third week, I've lost nothing. I know there are others out there who are experiencing the same thing, but it doesn't make it any less discouraging. But I will stay strong and I won't give up. I can't give up. I've got to do it this time.

This time, I promise!

This is my first post. I want this journal to be all about my weight loss. Lord knows how many times I've tried dieting. I'm praying this is the last time I'll have to. Atkins and I are about to become BFF's :)